dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
