wrigley field is MILF paradise
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
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