someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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