Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
