Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
