If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Randomize
