he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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