People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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