Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
