look no pants
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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