Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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