there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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