My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
