I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i was born a porn star she said
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
