Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
