I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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