I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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