You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
