if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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