Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
