I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
it's great music for shaving your balls
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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