you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
