Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
