he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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