Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
