My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
