Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
