Who wears a wallet chain?!
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
