Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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