Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Walk of Shame today included voting.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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