a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
