Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You need Xanax blowdarts
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
