Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize