Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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