still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
