Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize