I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
