i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
