just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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