Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
