Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
