I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
