It's Friday. Sex?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
