I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize