I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
