hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
