i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
