They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
