I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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