oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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