If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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