I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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