she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Randomize
