I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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