Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
