i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
