some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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