Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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