I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
