I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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