Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
