Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
