last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
