Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Randomize
