I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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