the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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