I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
