i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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