I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
