After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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