You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Randomize
