I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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