The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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