your parents love me but you hate me
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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