I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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