i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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