I'm gonna have a badass scar
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize
