Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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