Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
