ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
splinters make it hard to masturbate
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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