he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
