She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
