By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You need Xanax blowdarts
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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