I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize