I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
