I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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