In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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