She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
