Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
how does that bad decision feel?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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